life goes on

On Wednesday of this week, just a little past noon, my mother passed away. She had been under hospice care for about 5 weeks, in our home. And while she is no longer "here", I am convinced more than ever that her life goes on. A stronger, more real life than she (or we) could ever know on this earth.

I will miss her, but I do not mourn. She had been suffering for more than a year and through that suffering I saw her change for the better. I saw more of her sense of humor than ever before in my life. In spite of pain she was more at peace than I had ever seen her. She was more tolerant than I could remember and better able to express her love. I realize more fully now that suffering does refine us.

I am grateful for the seven months Mom lived in our home. I am also grateful for the fact that she died here; it had to happen somewhere; it was a privilege to witness and experience that with her. As I've said before, God is good, all the time; this is more real to me today than ever before.

And life goes on.

God is Good...All theTime

Life gets hard but God is Good!

There is so much that is going right in the midst of a difficult time. For that I am very thankful.

I sold a second item on Etsy, an art quilt/wall hanging. That makes me want to get busy on some more crafts.

We had people around all week; my nephew Joe, his wife & son were here last weekend; my brother Bruce was here all week, we had seven visits from various hospice workers, our pastor came by to see Mom and last night friends came for dinner; a welcome break from our tedious routine.

I was able to go to church last Sunday & to Bible Study on Wednesday night. I also got out for about an hour last Thursday & did a bit of shopping. I got 3 pair of socks, 2 pair of shoes, 1 purse & 1 blouse for under $60!! That is something to be thankful for.

aaaahhhhhh

Mike & I just got home from a wonderful mini-vacation. My sister Dianne & her friend Janie jumped at the chance to drive down from Oregon to give us a short break & the timing couldn't have been better.

They arrived about noon on Friday and were here when our Hospice nurse visited & when Mom's hospital bed was delivered. I could not have prepared for it alone as furniture had to be moved, lots of clutter shuffled and a new "system" put in place so mom could reach the things she needs to have close by (clock, tissue, lip balm, antacids, water, etc). That alone was invaluable.

The best part was that Mike & I could get away; we drove over to Bodega Bay & met up with or very best buddies, Don & Ann. We hung out on the bay watching people crab & fish & then headed over to the ocean beach where whales had been spotted earlier in the day. We were too late to see the whales but did enjoy a beautiful sunset. Janie had insisted that we be prepared to spend the night, something I had not thought I wanted to do, but when Don & Ann invited us to stay with them we were able to so. After a good (9-hour) nights sleep and home made waffles for breakfast, Don, who just happens to be a massage therapist, asked if I couldn't use a short massage & for the first time ever I said yes. My 'short' massage lasted over an hour and was amazing.

We got home about 11:30 so Dianne & Janie could hit the road at noon. Mom is doing well today, which really tops off a wonderful weekend!!

So...a great big THANK YOU to Don & Ann, Dianne & Janie...and especially to Mike for insisting that we get away, and for focusing on doing something that I would find relaxing.

improvement

Things are looking up.

Mom is doing better, especially her thought process. I'm sure that adjusting to a major switch in meds (going off of several & adding others) caused a few days of turmoil within her body & her mind. She is still weak, but has been more her old self the past couple of days. I am thankful for that.

I'm also thankful that I sold a pillow on Etsy (see picture in earlier post). It is my first sale & has prompted me to work on some new things; some to keep, some for gifts & some to sell. Creative projects help me cope with being home so much of the time.

Now if I could just get motivated to clean the house. I guess that will happen when the next house guests are due to arrive. We are looking forward to Bruce, Joe, Kari & Sam early in February and then Dawn later in the month. I love having company.

Nine days later...

Well, there has been no time for projects this week.

I can't believe it has only been 9 days since we got Mom's diagnosis. It's been crazy but we are settling into a new routine & it is working. The new medications are primarily to keep her comfortable and free from pain, but they also mess with her mind and stamina. Two weeks ago she was up and about even getting out of the house once or twice a week, now she spends the majority of the time in bed and just getting a shower is a major accomplishment. I now feel like a full time caregiver; prior to this it was more of a companion roll.

The past three days have been gloomy, rainy & windy; and that has matched the mood inside, as well. I had major concerns regarding Mom's condition but today we have sunshine and Mom has a bit more strength & her mind is clearer. I'm thinking that they might just go hand in hand. Gloom inside & out!

I'm sad that I won't be able to attend church, Wednesday night Bible Study or any kind of social functions in the foreseeable future; but then again, short of getting someone in to sit with Mom so I can go out, I'm not wanting or anticipating that to change anytime soon.

crazy times

The past couple of weeks are a blur. DOCTORS, medication, hospital, biopsy, more doctors, diagnosis, HOSPICE, more medication, family, more FAMILY, more hospice... and now quiet, dealing with paperwork & schedules. But first (maybe) a nap.

I am thankful that: Mom is here, not in Gresham; we have a church & caring church family; Dianne & John were available to come on such short notice; our kids could be here for dinner on Sunday; I have a husband who just takes everything is stride; and most of all that we have a loving GOD who is in control...so I don't have to be.

some new projects

Here are a few things I've been working on. The photo is our backyard; taken from the patio door in the family room. I love the view,and the lighting this time of year is excellent.

The other projects are a pillow small & art quilts and made from "snippets". The first two are completed the others are in process. The largest quilt is 13"x 20".


UPDATE 1/24/09: I just sold this pillow on Etsy!!